I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
