is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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