i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
