My girlfriend figured out who you are.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
