it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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