Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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