:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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