I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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