i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
