My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
