I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize