Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
