so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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