So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the condom got lost in my hair
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
