i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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