I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
