I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
