hotel room ftw
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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