she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
