im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize