I skipped work to stalk him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
