Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think my tv is drunk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
