oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
