I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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