If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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