I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
