So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
