that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
