saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
