We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
