fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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