totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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