you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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