I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
