Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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