you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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