They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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