But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
