I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
