I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
