So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
