you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
