he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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