so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
