i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
