I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
