your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
