she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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