First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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