My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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