pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So vagazzling was a success
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
