What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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