So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
