I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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