I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
