I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
