Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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