I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
