I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
