Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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