i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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