At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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