Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
