question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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