even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize