Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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