Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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