found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
