I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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