Christians are straight up FREAKS
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize